Let's Address the Root Cause
It goes without saying that new parents (particularly breastfeeding mothers) are sleep-deprived. The nine months of carrying a baby before giving birth must also be acknowledged. For many mothers, sleep deprivation starts early on in their pregnancy journey. You might have battled through early-term morning sickness, and if you were really unlucky, ‘morning’ sickness lasted the duration of your pregnancy.
Sickness aside, there is the increased pressure on your bladder, causing you to take 50 + trips to the bathroom each night, an aching lower back, mid-back, and upper back, (check out our gentle pilates sequence if you are suffering from pain), not to mention the expanding bowling ball at the front. Our incredible bodies expand and accommodate a budding new life, putting our baby’s development first and our comfort second. So, by the time your precious bundle arrives, you will undoubtedly be elated but soon feel like a decent night's sleep is ever more elusive.
If your baby’s not sleeping, you’re not sleeping…
I wanted to share some mum-focused tips on how to get more sleep and better quality sleep, as it directly impacts nearly every other aspect of our lives—from regulating our nervous systems to being able to hold a conversation, recalling if you did indeed lock the front door, and influencing whether or not we can tolerate being in the same room as our partner the next day.
I called in Clare Gordon – Sleep Consultant extraordinaire (who I have personally used), for some tips on helping your baby sleep more soundly and consistently and, in turn, allowing you to sleep more soundly. Of course, if your baby has only recently arrived into the world, then there is not much that can be done at this stage other than napping when your baby does and sharing the load with your partner. If your baby is older than 5-6 months and has developed some bad sleep habits, it’s never too late to correct course and implement some healthy new sleep practices.
Sleep Consultant Clare Gordon Shares Her Top Tips
Q) Hi Clare, what is the most common sleep-related problem parents come to you with?
A) Interrupted sleep overnight and kids being hard to put down to sleep.
Q) Why do you think that is the biggest problem?
There are three key reasons that I’ve witnessed from experience.
1) No solid routine in place (you’ll hear me mention routine a lot).
2) If there is a solid routine in place, maybe the kids are still dependent on the parents putting them down for an extended period of time (this includes naps during the day, and bedtime at the end of the day).
3) There could be an underlying condition that hasn't been picked up. For example, your child may have allergies, an intolerance or snoring (mouth breathing). Often, parents may have an inkling that something isn’t right with their child, and seek further help from their GP, but then may be dismissed by their GP as merely a ‘developmental’ or passing issue. It isn’t until parents come to me that I assess and detect that something bigger is affecting sleep. I will then refer parents back to their GP and recommend that the root cause is addressed before sleep training can begin. This can often be the hardest time for families – when they are trying to resolve an underlying health issue. This is common with eczema. Often, rather than the root cause of eczema being addressed, I see doctors prescribing steroid cream, and parents lathering it on their babies… much to their discomfort. The root cause is not being addressed, but a topical treatment is masking the issue, and doesn’t necessarily solve the problem and can affect a child’s sleep. The natural path (holistic route) often yields better results in my experience.
Q) What mistakes are we making as parents?
Parents are obsessing over sleep, and they put too much pressure on themselves and for their kids to be perfect. I also see a reluctance to or lack of tuning in with the fact their babies develop, and suddenly, their needs change. This is evident from 3 months when newborns develop into babies.
Q) Do you see a difference in sleep patterns between boys and girls?
Nope. It doesn’t matter what age or sex, the issues are the same. Growth spurts may be slightly different for boys and girls. Boys at five months may have a big growth spurt and at that time I may recommend introducing solids, however, I have seen the same be true for girls around that age. It really depends on how rapidly they are developing and their growth since birth.
Q) How key is routine?
Essential! – refer to Clare's sleep guide
Q) What is the best age to start sleep training?
Most specialists and Drs suggest 4-6 months (after the newborn stage, when there are more tools to use) but at the end of the day, it comes down to when you’re ready as a parent!
If your child is hooked on the dummy… this can be the biggest barrier. If you are not willing to remove the dummy, then be prepared to be the dummy fetcher every hour during the night until your baby is old enough to retrieve the dummy on their own. Removing the dummy at 5-6 months is easiest… after that time, they may be stuck with it until aged two or older.
Starting sleep training is easiest around 4-6 months, as the child has less fight than they do at 8-10 months and 12 months. Once your child is aged 2-3 there are some amazing tools you can use which can turn your child’s sleep around within one week!.
Q) What ages can we expect to see our child regressing?
4 months – sleep patterns change from newborn to more mature sleep cycles.
8 months – when there is a lot of physical development like crawling and pulling up to stand. This is also the time when separation anxiety can strike.
12 months – a lot of development happening around this time, like speech, and fine motor skills, and while this all impacts sleep… a lot of parents drop to one nap too soon, and this impacts their child’s overnight sleep. The dropping down to one nap can start at daycare, so it is something to be aware of.
18 months – when independence increases. Toddlers want to do everything themselves and fears can start to play up. This is also a time of separation anxiety, and if a child hasn’t gone through it before this age, it can hit like a tonne of bricks.
2 years – all the big emotions get experienced, and language explodes. Some parents who let their children watch TV late in the day can cause a big disturbance to sleep. Make it a rule to not allow a TV at least two hours before bedtime, and follow a normal calming wind-down routine.
Q) What is the #1 thing parents can do now to help improve their child’s sleep?
Creating a routine and sticking with it!
Q) Any tips to help parents maintain their sanity during the process?
Self-care is so important and taking time for yourself. Prioritising your needs, for example, if you’re on bedtime duty – take 5 minutes beforehand to get water, and go to the toilet. If your mental health is better from having a walk, or run during the day, then make sure you have made time for that.
Anything to add, Clare?
"If something isn’t a problem for you, then it’s not a problem—end of story. But if things start feeling unmanageable, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Parenting isn’t easy, and kids don’t come with a manual. Think about it: for any other job, you’d get training and build your skills. If you want to improve in sports, you get a coach. If you want to learn something new, you find a teacher. Parenting is no different—having a coach to guide and support you can make the journey so much more enjoyable and rewarding."
Clare Gordon is a dedicated nanny and experienced baby sleep consultant based in the heart of Wellington, New Zealand. She provides holistic, hands-on support to families navigating the intricate world of baby sleep.
Gentle reminders about your sleep routine and sleep hygiene
If you have had 4 to 5 nights of broken sleep, this qualifies as sleep deprivation and can take a serious toll on your health and well-being. If your baby is taking a while to respond positively to sleep training then focus on what is within your control. Set yourself a bedtime and a healthy bedtime routine. Stop rebelling and staying up late… I know it’s tempting to have some much-needed ‘me’ time once you put your little one down, but your sleep deprivation will continue to compound.
Prioritise sleep until you have found more consistency. Can you tag out with a partner? Set realistic expectations and work out what is fair for everyone. Ensure you get some light exercise and sunshine during the day as this will help your circadian rhythm. Sunshine, fresh air, and exercise will help ground you despite lacking sleep. Avoid overly heavy meals, and remember that alcohol and caffeine will stimulate.
Have you tried a meditation app and breathing techniques?
Winding down: Some things to consider: chamomile tea (check out our gorgeous range of organic herbal teas by Organic Merchant), a warm shower or bath, aromatherapy, breastfeeding-safe sleep supplements, no screen, reading a book, turning your Wi-Fi off, and most importantly, creating a dark, calm, serene environment.
