How to Find Your Personal Style
Using a top stylist's three-word method
Wear It Well and the art of personal style
Wear It Well, written by top New York stylist Allison Bornstein (I recommend you grab yourself a copy) introduces one of the best wardrobe editing systems I've come across, but most excitingly, her book teaches how you can discover your unique three style words, a three-word method to help you fully describe and make sense of your personal style. Three words that encapsulate your style signature and are guaranteed to make styling yourself, shopping for new items, and clearing out wardrobe clutter easier than ever.
I loved learning this method, and I'll break it down for you below, so you can find your three style words – plus I’ll share mine with you and how it helped me clarify and articulate my personal style.
Once you learn the system, everything you've been searching for to help you find your personal style will click into place.
“We rarely think of the clothes we wear as a holistic entity, so these systems are designed to bring your style into alignment, create a wardrobe that makes you feel good, and cultivate the image you want to project into the world, delighting your spirit and reflecting your most authentic self”.
Getting started
I wholeheartedly believe that the right outfit can dramatically increase your confidence. The adage when you look good, you feel good, holds. What looks good for you will be different from what looks good for me, and therein lies the beauty of fully articulating your personal style and being able to execute looks with confidence and ease.
When you know what you like and how to put together outfits that feel like you and honour your personal style, it’s a wonderful relief and a surefire way to improve your mood and the way you show up in the world each day.
I applied the following wardrobe editing system – in perfect time, just as we shifted into Winter.
“Fashion can only work its magic when we know what we like, when we are in touch with ourselves, and when we bring self-awareness to our choices”.
The wardrobe editing system
Firstly – the 'Regulars'
Ask yourself, “What are the things I actually wear the most?” The step is about identifying your Regulars. Identify and pull out all your regulars – whether that’s jeans and t-shirts, activewear and sweaters, trackpants, dresses – whatever it is – pull them out and lay them on your bed. Be real – it’s not about what you like the best but what you wear all the time and grab when you have no time to think. Include any accessories in your regular pile, too!
Stand back and look at your regulars – what is the common theme here? The common thread? Is it a colour, a fabric, a silhouette? Do you like what you see, or do you dislike it? Figuring out what you wear all the time is a strong indicator of what your authentic style is.
Next: Identify the 'Nevers'
Pull all of those styles out of your wardrobe that you never wear and put in one pile (your Nevers can fit into either of the following sub-categories: things you love but never wear, things you hate and never wear, or things that no longer fit your body or current lifestyle, things that you don’t know how to style, or even things you only know how to style in one specific way. ALL these styles contribute to your Never pile.
Create 3 Never piles
The no, never pile – these are the things you will get rid of. They don’t fit, you no longer like them, and you never wear them. Why are you hanging onto them? Sell or donate these pieces.
The not now pile – These are the pieces that you’re not currently wearing but don’t want to get rid of. Examples may include maternity wear, event/special occasion wear, or it could be something sentimental. Put these pieces in another room / another closet, the garage, or even a suitcase. You want them somewhere you can access easily, but that doesn’t take up space in your wardrobe.
The How Pile – These are the pieces that you love but don’t know how to style. You might have seen them on someone else and wanted to emulate the same look, but are unsure how, or it’s a piece that you want to make work, but doesn’t feel seamless with your current look or wardrobe. Perhaps you loved it in the store, but it’s sat in your wardrobe, not worn.
Now what?
Once you have cleared your no-never pile, you’ll be left with your familiar regulars and your how-to style pile (the Hows). So now it’s about merging the two categories – working out how to best bring it all together.
Tip 1: Pair one of your Hows with one of your Regulars (e.g. a printed or patterned blazer that feels a bit out there, back with your go-to jeans. Pairing one of your ‘wild cards’ with one of your regulars is an easy way to evolve your style and step outside of your comfort zone. It also feels great to start wearing those beautiful pieces that have just sat there.
Don’t be afraid to pull your wardrobe apart and rebuild again – consider new combinations, new pairings – those pretty or interesting pieces you love seeing hanging, make them visible and see them hanging alongside your ‘safe’ regular pieces to start reimagining new style possibilities.
Don’t forget the accessories! The difference a gold bangle can make – some dangly earrings or hoops, a cute beanie or beret, a chunky scarf… they all add to the look and can shift it from ordinary to stylish.
*Before you start*
I recommend keeping your wardrobe seasonal. This means more visibility over what works for the season you’re in, less clutter, and less confusion. For example, in winter, move your summer dresses and lightweight floaty blouses to another space, and when summer rolls around again, keep your heavy winter coats and winter knits somewhere else. Then follow the next two steps...
Edit your wardrobe like a stylist
Step 1:
Organise by category – take all the styles from your regular and how piles and hang according to style (e.g., all your t-shirts, shirts, blouses, camis, skirts, etc hanging in the same section together. I also recommend hanging all your pants and jeans so you can see them fully. You need to be able to visualise entire outfits. I used to fold all my denim in my wardrobe, but after having my most worn styles I find I don’t just opt for the same pair over and over, I spread the love and I see more style opportunities when I can clearly view all potentials.
Step 2:
Group pieces within the same style category together by colour. This means all your lights hang together, progressing into any brights or darker shades. Organising your wardrobe with this simple approach is actually a great way to see the colours you naturally gravitate towards – what you tend to buy the most of, … do you really need another cream blouse or chambray shirt? What colours are you missing if any? Do you love a print? It’s a great visual indicator which helps clarify your personal style.
“It's one of the great pleasures in life to be able to stand in front of your closet, know that it contains only clothes you truly love, and see your things arranged neatly and pleasingly in front of you”.
Final step
Stand back and take in your wardrobe – are there any gaps? Write them down. Are you missing a black cami that you know is an essential and can help bridge some of your looks? Are you missing black denim? Maybe it’s a neutral-coloured trench coat that you know will effortlessly elevate many of your looks. Maybe you’re missing a fun pop of colour. Don’t rush in – carefully consider what you see hanging and how many looks you can create from what you already own. It should become clear where you should invest your money for your next fashion purchase.
Ultimately, your wardrobe should be set up in a way that feels intuitive to you. Whatever system allows you to see, find and pull styles with ease. I do recommend keeping some of the capsule wardrobe principles in mind too – see this blog to ensure you’ve only got styles you love and wear and that outfit together. Less clutter makes this system more effective.
“If your wardrobe looks messy or disjointed or doesn’t make sense, it’s hard to be inspired. The goal is to make your clothing very accessible, to encourage experimentation. So set yourself up for ease wherever possible!”.
The universal 9 according to Allison Bornstein (edited for mums)
1) The white t-shirt
No surprises here. The white tee can work in harmony with any of your three words. Find the white tee that works best for you. The styling options are endless.
2) The Button-down shirt
You might opt for denim, crisp white or a stripe variety. The button-down shirt is a staple for every wardrobe. It instantly adds an effortlessly cool, undone, and chic vibe. It’s super versatile for layering and is an essential for holiday packing. Find one that aligns with your style essence. I recommend opting for something with a bit of length and room so you can layer over the top of tees and tanks with ease.
3) The Black Turtleneck
Wear on its own or layered. Opt for something soft, not scratchy. You ideally want something to hug your curves – it will be more flattering. Try styling with a chain or layered necklaces over the top for a cool statement look.
4) A cosy knit
A must-have essential for all mums. Cuddle up in a cosy sweater at the end of your day. When you travel, use it as your security blanket, a must-have for soccer sidelines. I recommend a few options – something neutral and something in colour. Keep your seasonal colour palette in mind. Try tucking your sweater (if it’s not too bulky) into your jeans to define your waistline.
5) The Blazer
A true classic and a true outfit hero. A blazer pulls multiple looks together in a way no other one piece can. You might like something retro (printed), oversized, or sleek, something in a wool-blend with a heritage-feel. There is no one blazer that works across the board – find one that works for your personal style and the proportions flatter. However, if you do find your dream blazer and it requires altering – go for it – it will absolutely be worth it. The sleeve length matters! You want it to sit just right.
6) The Trench Coat
“It creates the perfect balance, sedating any look that seems too trendy, wild or colourful with a strong shot of minimal chic”. Opt for a classic trench where possible, one that does not feature too many updates. You don’t have to go beige, you could go for khaki, navy, black. You will feel most comfortable in a more lived-in trench, rather than a stiff-fabric trench.
7) Denim
If you haven’t found your perfect pair of jeans – don’t rest until you do! Once you’ve found a pair you love and can happily live in, there is room to experiment, expand and update. There are so many great washes out there and styles abundant. As a mum, comfort is queen, especially in the early months postpartum. You should choose denim that has an element of stretch and that retains its shape. Vintage denim may be cool, but shopping new and getting the perfect fit with premium cotton and stretch will serve you well in the long run.
8) The perfect loungewear (mum edit)
Quality and comfort are key here. Investing is worth it, as these pieces are what you will return to day after day.
9) A great fitted cami (in white and black)
Sounds simple, but a great structured cami with a flattering neckline (choose what works best for you and your bust size) will serve you and your wardrobe well. Buy a nice quality cotton with a bit of stretch (ribbed cotton is a great option as it will retain its shape). A great cami will form the foundation of many looks and bridge many gaps.
Finding your three style words
Defining and describing your personal style can be difficult – that’s why choosing three words is a great tool for summing up what is often an amalgamation of contradictory ideas. We rarely adhere to just one look – we are usually a mashup (hopefully a cohesive mashup) of at least a few key styles.
Your style may also feel torn between your differing roles in the world – dressing for motherhood and stay-at-home activities versus your work attire, your style while on holiday… the list goes on. You also have the style you aspire to – how you’d like to see your ‘ideal self’ dress. How can we bring those varying style identities into a cohesive look? The Three-word method shows you how.
“The three-word method is designed to help you access, accentuate and amplify the details of your personal style”.
Your first word
Your first word is your practical word. This word is defined by your regulars (the clothing you wear the most – the styles you grab instinctively without much thought) This is your comfort zone – where you feel the most comfortable. Look through your regulars. What connect them? What is the through-line?
Your second word
Your second word should be aspirational. This is where your creativity and curiosity come into play. Perhaps it’s a style you admire – a celebrity or model and you think you would love to dress more in line with that style. Consider this word your North Star.
Your third word
How do you want to feel in your clothes? Choosing this word should feel good to you – like something is clicking beautifully into place. This word should be something that feels both true to your style and exciting. Your third word should also help to ground and pull together your other two words and provide balance to your overall look.
Each look you pull will incorporate a bit of each style word and the sum will be an expression of your unique personal style. Use the Word Wheel below to help find the style words that click for you.
It really doesn’t matter if your three words don’t seem too ‘fit’. In fact, often, they will seem jarring, but they should and that’s normal.
“Each unique blending of our aspects is exactly what creates personal style”.
How I found my three style words
Chic
The first word I chose was Chic – I checked it off the word wheel and it further reinforced that notion for me. Reason being, I love more classic pieces with slightly off-beat elements, good fabrications are important to me, I adore the French aesthetic, which is frequently referenced as Chic.
My go-to pieces for life have always been quality denim and cool vintage elements like t-shirts. I also love a stripe. Chic styles form the bulk of my wardrobe – denim, button-down shirts, tees, elevated basics, quality knitwear, cashmere, denim jackets, wool coats.
Retro
My second word required a bit more thought. I have always had a love of vintage finds – adore a good vintage treasure hunt (though they are less frequent these days), and vintage queen Kate Moss is my original style icon. But again, using the Word Wheel, I realised that the word Retro fits me more perfectly.
I considered all the paisley and floral print blouses I wear, the printed dresses I gravitate towards, the tartan blazer I am obsessed with and my Japanese vintage tartan pants that are irreplaceable. The common thread is that they all have a distinct ‘retro’ feel to them. They are pieces that excite me the most. Retro is described as "fashion that is inspired by a past era, but is made or worn in a contemporary context".
I should mention – I don’t want to be dressed head to toe in retro and look like I’ve rolled out of a thrift store. One retro element feels right for me. How it manifests through my outfits – leopard print, snakeskin boots, a woven handbag, a silk scarf, a paisley blouse, flared or bootleg jeans, vintage fur (rarer these days), or suede.
Polished
My third word – I thought it was effortless – as I genuinely value easy style and minimal undone looks. Think 'out the door in 5' vibes, but again, when I properly examined and considered AB’s word method, and thought about how I want to feel in my outfits, the word ‘polished’ clicked for me.
Polished to me means the overall execution of a look. It’s having my skincare prep and makeup done (even if minimal). I always feel better when my hair is washed. I realised my outfits don’t need to be overly expressive or complicated, they just need to feel polished, aka pulled together and cohesive.
This now means I don’t wear wrinkled tees or shirts like I used to – I have a handheld steamer – an absolute must-have for everyone! I realised it included finishing touches – a hat, clean, un-scuffed footwear, and knitwear that is not pilling. Sure, I still have items like that, but I know I feel my best when I wear something that is steamed, clean, and tidy.
It's about the overall aesthetic
“The trick is not to look at each item with the expectation that it will tick all three boxes, but to create a cumulative effect in the looks you pull together that holistically generates the energy you’d like to send out into the world”.
A tip if you're struggling to find your three words
If you’re struggling to identify your three words, you might find it helpful to refer to your favourite style icons for inspiration and clarity: e.g.
Jane Birkin: tomboy, sexy, casual
Princess Diana: sporty, demure, opulent
Kate Moss: undone, sleek, vintage,
Zendaya: polished, graphic, daring.
Alexa Chung: rock n roll, French, romantic
Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy: classic, minimal, polished
Jump on Pinterest and start a digital folder of style inspiration. What do you love? What are you drawn to? What makes your soul sing? Save these style references, and if you keep saving the same celebrity, look up what their style profile is… this should help inform at least one (likely your second) style word.
Nina
The Mum Loop Founder
